Pass the salt, please Dear.

Good morning readers.  Sorry it's been a while since the last one--but I'm about to tell you why.

I'll explain my last week of communication by relating one of my favorite situational jokes (hint: this is really fun at parties EVEN if people have heard it before.) It goes like this; you wait for someone to mention a Freudian slip--and these days you'll wait a long time, probably through several complete parties, unless you're in a graduate program studying English literature. But when someone does, you get to say:

"Oh, a Freudian slip?  I had one of those the other day.  My wife (or husband/partner, etc.) and I were eating breakfast, and what I meant to say was 'Pass the salt, please Dear.' but what I actually said was 'You ruined my life you selfish, ignorant slut.' Uncanny."

Sooooooo.....you can imagine what this week's been like.  Not all of it, of course, and my husband and I aren't deeply embittered toward one another (PROMISE!  We are often silly and cuddly and real troupers, but we're not the hold-everything-in types. No ulcers here, folks.)  But it just so happens that our regular, everyday communication turns into a mine-field of near-comical proportions because we're so tense about our situation.  Imagine if you and your spouse were:

• Married for four months and living on your second continent, in your third time zone, in your fourth accomodation, in your seventh location.
• Both unable to work
• Could be called to the other side of said second continent at a moments notice in order for a stranger to charge you a billion dollars to evaluate your relationship
• Confined to an indoor space of approx 7'x4' and an outdoor space which is under constant scrutiny by your almost-constantly inebriated neighbors.  (For real.  Side note:  The other day Super-husband and I were putting up our new tarp/porch with tent poles, and a guy walked by staring intensely.  He said "You two are keen" (meaning determined in Aussie), then he added "I'd be helping if I hadn't already had seven beers tonight." Seriously? Seriously.)
• Had no airconditioning in a summer that was Australia's fourth hottest on record. BTW, Australia is hot in non-record-claiming summers.

And then imagine that everything you wanted to accomplish took a retrograde spinning of the Earth to do. For instance, Super-husband wanted to pay off a credit card bill for me.  GREAT. I can do that online, right?  Here we go...

• I logged into my credit card account and found that I could change bank accounts to make payments, but only to American banks, even though the company is international. We couldn't even use Super-husband's Visa travel money card, conveniently loaded with US dollars.  Nope. Had to go further.
• I called the company to see if they accepted ANY other form of payment; they said Western Union or money gram or a US Bank. 
• We then had to figure out how to wire money into my US bank, which is actually not a bank, but a credit union
• Logged into my credit union to find out how to wire money, and discovered that I wasn't allowed into internet banking like I thought. Had to call a supposed 24-hour banking line.  It told me to call back during business hours.
• I stayed up til midnight then got up at 6am to talk to a bank in Florence, AL. We got info, logged in, gave information to husband to input into HIS online banking function
• Found out that his online banking function did not allow him to transfer enough money at once to cover the bill. But it SHOULD have. 
• Called HIS bank on an actual 24-hour line.  Talked to a useless liar.
• Attempted to transfer a small amount of money to see if it worked.
• Got online with my credit union after two days and found that money had gotten through, but was mysteriously $25 less than when he sent it.
• Got up again at 6am to call Florence.  Money made it. Mysterious fee not explained. Emailed a receipt showing only the lessened amount.
• FUMED that a middle-man bank, who was never ever named, could take out whatever fee they chose at any time, and would not disclose this information before the customer agreed to send the money.  So with flat fees (not sliding or percentage) $124 Australian dollars had turned into $60 US. Just like that.
• Went into his bank (it's now Tuesday and we started this Friday night) to speak to a real, non-useless, non-liar person to find out how to send MORE money in a lump sum. Found out that I needed more information from MY credit union
• Stayed up late again, called Florence.  The credit union does NOT have the number his bank needs, gives me two routing numbers
• Took said routing numbers back to his bank, confused the non-liar.  Used the original numbers and prayed for the best
• Money went through a week and three days after we began the process.
• Logged in to pay bill, account status wasn't updated so I couldn't pay the whole thing
• Waited another week.
• Logged in TODAY to pay off the bill.

Okay, enough Eeyore for the moment.  But do you see my point?  Even Mother Theresa and a Seattle-based-zen-yoga-vegan-hippie would have a few coarse words to say in this situation.  It sometimes feels we're at war, just waiting for the next beaurocratic battle. At times it feels like we're a retired couple that should have learned all about each other and have five grandkids before living this way. Other times it feels as if we've fallen off the planet and we're screaming into an empty sky that returns no comfort.

But we are Christians, so we know that comfort is there; we know care is there from the ultimate Caregiver. We are now challenged to see what we're being taught and how we should proceed: whether overcoming stagnancy and getting involved in this community despite never knowing how long that involvement can last, or really digging into our faith and finding out what it means to "Be still and know"--a feat at which I've never been good. I've been reading Exodus a lot.

So if you are of faith, pray for us. Pray we understand. Pray we clear out the mines of our speech so we don't blow-off each other's proverbial legs. Pray that humor, and mutual submission, and grace, and mercy, and honest banking practices reign. And please be careful if you want to ask your spouse to pass the salt.